Sometimes you stop and take a look at yourself and all you can think is, "How did I end up here?" It is only then can you look back upon all the choices you made. When you do, what do you see? It isn't yourself, it is someone else. A person you knew long ago and wish you could forget.
There are many triumphs from the past and many mistakes. It isn't so much the triumphs that changed person you see, it is the mistakes. Even time cannot heal those. And at times it shouldn't. The triumphs belong to that person in the past. Those mistakes and the lessons learned belong you. It is something you carry.
And for this you are better. Yet, you still stand there and ask why? Sometimes you want to reach into the past and... and do what? Prevent them from making the mistake? That would serve no purpose. They only knew what they knew. In turn, it isn't so much that you desire to change your past but to forgive yourself.
As if to tell that person from long ago, "It's okay, everything will be just fine." Only then is it clear that life goes on.
This is something that is inherently obvious, yet I feel we are so blind to it. We go on with life but we fail to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made. I don't know if we ever can. No one has all the answers to why. No one ever will. Then again, what do I know? I'm just sitting at my computer late at night, staring off into the night contemplating the world.